She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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