I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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