The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
