oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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