apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
