dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
