No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
