i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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