God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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