I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
