I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
