I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
