I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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