alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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