Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
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He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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