i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
