She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
