are you still at the devil's house?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
