The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
There's always time for handjobs
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
