She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
