Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If I die, sorry about rent.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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