I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
