why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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