If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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