I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
