She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
