I hate all girls vehemently.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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