i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
