Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
