Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
