oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
