I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
