It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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