Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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