I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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