Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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