I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
