I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
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I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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