3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
