Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
