I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
