you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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