Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
And my parents said I crawled through the house
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
