the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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