on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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