the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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