i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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