Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
