Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The uberlube is also flammable
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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