His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
