to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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