it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
