Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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