ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
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Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
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I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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