Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
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You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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