I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
