Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
