i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
