just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
