Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
