You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
