If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
