She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my sisters under your porch take her home
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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