im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
