Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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