I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
