Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
well you can't waste a boner
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize