you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
