I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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