At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
