I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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