Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
