a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
