drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
